She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
