We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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