I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
