i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
