brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
