I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
