I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
