I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
