He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
