and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
