Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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