You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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