I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
