i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
