Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
