i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
