is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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