and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
