I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you had me at cake vodka
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
