Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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