my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
