my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
another moral hangover. fuck.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
soo... how was my night?
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