omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
