need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
