You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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