you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
time to smoke my breakfast
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
