what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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