Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
