I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
