so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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