I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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