This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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