Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
