Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
