i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
