we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
