In America we eat man semen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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