Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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