Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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