wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I believe in your delicious
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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