so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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