idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
