and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if only i could text you this smell
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
