Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
