She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
