wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
