I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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