I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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