i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
