It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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