Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
