My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
