woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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