yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
