I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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