There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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