Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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