fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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