I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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