...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
