3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
