Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
