Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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