I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we're making bets on your personal life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
