I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We don't watch enough power rangers
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
