Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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