1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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