You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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