Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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