I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
