I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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