Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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