Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
