hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
