i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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