totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
