You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
