Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
