Can i not drive my cunt home
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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