I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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