i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize