I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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